Update | Still Here

Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. 

-John Lennon

I opened a Scrivener file this morning. I didn’t write more than 124 words, but I read through what I’d written so far. Before today, I haven’t written a single word in about two weeks, and it’s not good for my sanity. I’ve been unable to focus and have only been doing the absolute musts on my to-do.

It’s not a good feeling, but what are you gonna do? I’ve spent time with my mother both in her home and in the hospital, so I haven’t written much. Every week is a decline, and we’re at a stage now where it feels as if it’s moving fast downhill. I have no idea what timeframe we’re talking, I don’t know if it’ll go in stages or a constant slope to the end.

What I know is that Mum’s changed. And I’m probably changed too.

Most of us will have to face the failing health of our parents at some point in our lives. I thought I’d have another twenty years before I’d be here, but we don’t get to pick our fates.

I have written 18.214 words this month, which is less than I wanted to but more than I thought I had, so…

My total is 322.335. I think I should be able to make 350.000 this year, but I’m not gonna set any goals right now. One day at a time. If I write, I write, and if I don’t, I don’t.